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I met her in a female prison in Manchester a couple of months ago. A tiny, tidy, decent, scared woman in her forties. She spoke very quietly, with a characteristic, careful way of choosing words. She said she didn’t intend to kill either her husband or her son.


She said there was an incident because she had lost control over her car whilst driving.
She was charged with attempted murder. Her solicitor and barrister were expecting she would have been sent to a psychiatric hospital, where she could stay as long as needed.

A long black hair tied in a well-sorted bun. Her middle and index fingers marked with dark brown spots of nicotine. Like many prisoners, she used to roll her ciggies with poor filters. Small hands, clean and well-maintained nails. She was extremely polite and focused on her precise answers to be given when asked by a solicitor or barrister, or while being assessed by a psychiatrist.

I was terrified when I crossed a prison gate for the first time. Everything I have seen in movies, this time appeared to be a real thing in my life and I was taking part in something that, when it came up to the end of my presence in her life, has left me speechless. I don’t know if ‘speechless’ can explain what I felt then. I think I couldn’t understand how a human brain can be so divided. I liked her, I believed her and prayed for her to be sentenced to a psychiatric ward and being given a proper treatment instead of being sentenced with a life penalty sentence.

She believed that everything she had experienced in her adult life was registered by them. She believed hat somehow, some people got access to her private life, registered it and made it accessible for her friends, colleagues, and strangers as well. She didn’t know how they managed to get into her privet life, register it, made files, and started to publish it within her whereabouts. She wasn’t able to explain how it was registered, but she was absolutely sure that they were doing it.

She had continuously worked in a famous retailer company for 5 years and she had a very good opinion as an employee: never late, never tired, never complained about anything. The family had stayed in the same property they found and moved in for 10 years. They left their homeland 10 years ago and since then she was the only one in her family who worked full-time all the time they have lived in the UK. Her husband had always some problems with keeping his random jobs; there were weeks and months when she didn’t eat full portions to make her husband and her son eat because they couldn’t afford full meals for each of them as it was only she who was earning money at that times. The son was seventeen-years-old when I met her.

Months earlier, she tried to talk to her husband about her thoughts, beliefs, and fears. He ignored her concerns and told her to visit a GP. She went to a doctor and was diagnosed with a depression. She started taking medicines, but it didn’t help and she continued struggling with understanding: “Why they keep on registering everything that happens to us???’’.

That day, she wanted to take the husband and her son to another city for a trip. She was told there was a beautiful beach and she thought they could have a calm, beautiful day together. On their way, he got a text message from their friend about her behaving like a psychopath. He showed her the message, she reacted calmly. However, something in her head exploded. She didn’t remember anything since that moment. The next thing she remembered was their car damaged and laying on its roof, people around them, and her son getting out of the car shouting: “She wanted to kill us! she is mad! she wanted to kill us.”

In the prison while waiting for her trial, she was charged with attempted murder. After following visit in prison when I and her solicitor left the prison, I asked the solicitor (although I wasn’t allowed to interfere with anything I heard while interpreting) if was it possible whilst driving my car to kill someone in the car without killing myself? The solicitor looked at me surprised. I asked the solicitor why the woman wasn’t charged with a suicide attempt? Now I know that was a very naive question due to a legal system in the UK. She was charged with attempted murder because where was a witness who testified at the police station that the son said: “She wanted to kill us”. When interviewing by police officers on that day, the husband testified the same. It didn’t matter that they wanted to change their testimonies later.

During my last visit, her barrister asked her if she was ready to plead guilty for driving with dangerous speed? She answered: “Yes, I am ready”. Then, he asked her if she was ready to plead guilty for causing dangerous situation on the road? She said: “Yes, I am ready”. And then, suddenly with a surprisingly different to her usual tone of voice she stated: “But I do not intend to let them keep on registering my life any longer and I want a judge to make them face an appropriate sentence”. The barrister asked her: “Who are ‘they’?” She answered: “I don’t know, I want a judge to find out who they are and make them stop spying on me and on my family.”